Guys: Can't Live With Them... Can I Try and Live Without Them?

Friday, August 28, 2015

I've never had a real boyfriend. No one to ever awkwardly pick me up from me house on our first date. In high school I was never asked to prom. I've actually never been on a date either, so that means never getting all cutesy, then having your date pick you up and he also brings you flowers etc.

Story Time
It's time to get up close and personal.

"So there's this boy." This is the phrase that is equivalent to "once upon a time" in my little slice of hectic heaven.

There's this boy and I can't seem to get him out of my head. My friends don't see what's so special about him. I used to be able to describe to them what made him, him, but I'm not so sure anymore.

Five months ago he had me wrapped around his finger. I was tightly fastened into the roller coaster of his choice. We would go round and round, up and down. It wasn't all his fault though, I had many chances to get off the ride, but I couldn't seem to figure out how to unbuckle the seat belt.

So today I feel the after affects of a one sided relationship (I have a chronic issue of liking guys who don't like me back). So currently I'm battling my leftover feelings and new feelings of jealousy.

My biggest issue is trying to figure out how to maneuver our friendship. I'm also questioning if our friendship is even real, because for our entire "friendship" I liked him, so I was never able to gain solely platonic feelings towards him. And to him I was always "the girl who liked him." Currently it feels like our friendship is even one sided too, I mean what exactly are the requirements of a friend? Should I constantly have to hold him accountable? I know some relationships need work and effort to continue on, but when should you stop trying? When is it not worth it anymore?

So now I'm deciding whether or not to end our friendship, and if I do decide to end it do I: tell him I want to end our friendship and have us get into a big conversation or do I ignore him until my feelings dwindle away then try to be friends? But the biggest question is: do I tell him how I feel? 

It terrifies me to think about letting him know what my feelings are, because I know he won't feel the same way. But will the pain of rejection at this current moment be greater than the pain of regret I could feel 1,2, or 5 years down the road because I never told him how I felt?

Now since my life really should be a lifetime movie, or a mini reality show on HBO, I must inform you that there is one last factor to my equation. Thanks to an anonymous source I know that he likes someone else. Apparently he fancies her a lot. And this she is not me. When I found this out my heart broke all over again for the 50th time. I was in a numb pile of shambles. I was learning to cope with him not liking me, but I'm no where near ready to see him be with anyone else. My sadness soon turned into anger and frustration and now it's simply "I hope to avoid him and never see him on campus" and so far I haven't seen him since this news was dropped. Thank God.

Part of me wants to be very confident and be like "yeah you might like her, but I'm Ciarra, hear me roar!" Yet the fear of rejection is literally consuming my entire body. I guess I have to face rejection more in order to overcome my fear, but must I overcome it today?

The funniest part of this entire blog post is that I'm not even sure why I like this guy. He hasn't done anything to positively change my life for the better. Literally nothing. But here I am, still pining over a guy who hasn't given a damn about me.

I know this blog is public and that he who shall not be named might see it, but I'm not worried, because I know he won't, he doesn't care about me enough to look at what I care about.

I'm quite perplexed and anxious so please give me any advice you have, because my little slice of heaven is cloudy this week.


College Round 2: Sophomore Year

Thursday, August 20, 2015

If you ever ask me if I'm ready to go back to school the answer will never be a 100% yes. I mean, who's ready to go back to school after the summer I've had!? Now if you ask me if I'm excited to go back to school I'll give a pretty decent yes. I'm ready for the football games, Wii tournaments, and to get all of these 16 credits out of the way.

I'll have a job on campus too, along with my positions on three different e-boards, so it's safe to say that I will learn the skill of multitasking this year. 

My Classes
I'm a Journalism and Mass Communications student with a concentration in multi-media. Since I'm a sophomore now I'm taking more classes directly in my major, which is kind of a scary thing. It's scary because taking these classes kind of represent what I could possibly be doing in the future and what happens if I don't like the work that I'm doing? So this is a little fear of mine that I have, but I'm just gonna wait and see what happens. My journalism classes are: Reporting & Writing, Inter Com in the Digital World, and Practicum-Print.

My other classes are:

Elementary French 1: I actually took one year of French in high school, so I kind of know what to expect and I'm thrilled to learn more of the language because I actually really love it. One day I want to visit southern France. 

Survey of Humanities: I attended my first day of class and the first day is always the most boring day of the year. While we did briefly go over the syllabus, we went straight into this video called Why Man Creates . We only watched the first five minutes, but it was an animated historical composition of major creations in the world throughout time. I personally loved it and found it fascinating. The short was created in the 1960's so it doesn't have inventions after a certain date and I would really love to see the short updated to accommodate new creations. It is safe to say that I really think I'm going to enjoy this class, even though I already have a reading assignment. 

Fundamentals of Algebra & Trigonometry II: Math is math so I'm ready to simply knock this class out of the way. I'm looking forward to the day where I will never have to take a math class again. 

Dorm Room Inspiration
I got a few of my favorite decorations from the thrift store. I found a wooden sign that says 'Girl's Just Want To Have Fun' it's super duper cute. I also found a painting that mirrored the image of palm trees and a sunset. These two items are in the lounge of my suite. In my room I have string lights, a picture hanging device, and a piece of digital artwork of Circular Quay that I got in Sydney. I ordered a poster from Shutterfly recently too. I would've used Walmart Photo Center but their online system frustrates me so I decided to go with Shutterfly, even though they're more expensive, I hope it's worth it.  

Random food for thought: Choose your color scheme wisely.
If you decide sophomore year or senior year that you don't want orange and pink as your color scheme anymore, you'll have to buy all new decorations and linens. And that can be an expensive hassle. 

I have this issue with continuously keeping my room clean, so currently my room is not clean and actually not fully decorated because my Shutterfly poster hasn't come in yet and my stupid command hooks keeping falling off my wall. So this is my lame, but real, excuse for not having any photos up yet of my room and suite. But one day I shall post them!

Uh-oh, I have to head to class soon so I better jet!


Concert Tips & Tricks

Monday, August 10, 2015

This past weekend I went to my fourth One Direction concert in 4 years. Besides seeing this lovely group, I have seen: The Jonas Brothers, Katy Perry, Hot 99.5 Jingle Ball (twice), Demi Lovato, Ed Sheeran, Chris Brown, Little Sea, and 5 Seconds of Summer.

Ticket Purchasing Tips

  1. It's important to research and be on the lookout for presale codes. These will give you access to tickets before they go to the general public. Sometimes if you have a certain bank card, like Citi Bank, you can get early access to tickets. 
  2. Sign up for alerts with Ticketmaster and/or Live Nation. This way you'll always be updated in case an artist of your interest comes into your area. 
  3. Always buy tickets when they go on sale for a show that you're interested in, even if they go on sale a year before the show date because you can always sell them later.
  4. Use the Ticketmaster app if you're not close to a computer when tickets go on sale. I once did this to buy tickets during one of my classes last year.
  5. Have the seat map for the show you want to buy tickets for handy.
  6. Try and open two browsers when you first try to buy tickets when they first go on sale. That way you can compare seats and see which seats are better. 
What To Bring
  1. NO water, it's never allowed.
  2. I personally don't wear heels to concerts unless I plan on sitting during the entire show or I'm okay with having my feet hurt a lot. So my advice: don't do heels
  3. Tissues, napkins, headache medicine, basic wallet necessities.
  4. If your show is in a stadium you should check the forecast because you might have to bring a raincoat, waterproof phone case, or sunscreen.
  5. External battery
  6. Phone Charger
What To Wear
  1. If your seating is general admission (GA), don't wear open toe or white shoes. Your feet will get stepped on, which will only lead to dirty shoes and hurt toes. 
  2. If your show is during the winter make sure to wear layers because you will get hot in the arena and wish you had worn a short sleeved shirt. 
During The Show
  1. Try to look up the set list to see what songs they are playing that way to can know what songs to record because most of the time someone else will be recording the show and will post it online. 
  2. WATCH THE SHOW. I hate it when I see people on their phone for 80% of the show. You're here to make a memory and live in the moment. So sing your heart out and dance like no one is watching. 
General Tips
  • If you don't like crowds then leave during the last song because you will escape the massive amount of people trying to exit the show.
  • If your seat is not GA then there is no need to wait outside for the doors to open at 4 if the show doesn't start until 7. The only reason to go early would be to buy merchandise. You can actually just get merchandise during the opening act, the line will be much much shorter.
  • If you bring a sign be weary that they might take it, some arena's don't allow them inside and I wouldn't want all your hard work to go to waste. 
  • I suggest eating beforehand because arena food is expensive. I paid $4.75 for a bottle of water this weekend...
Lastly, have fun. Don't care about what the stranger infront, next to, or behind you thinks. 

3 years worth of One Direction concert tickets

I didn't take this photo but I absolutely love it. It's at a One Direction concert of course.

Pre-concert bagel bites and Polaroids

When you get to hang out with friends you met on Twitter and randomly met in the airport when you all were waiting to meet the same artist

My view when I saw One Direction in Baltimore

Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

With fall semester right around the corner I am deeming this piece of inspiration as my go-to phrase for the semester. I'm starting a new job and new executive board positions for a few organizations so I know things will get hectic. 

I challenge you to try to actively relieve some of your stress within the next few months. Let me know how things go!

The Last, But Not Least, Sydney Post

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Hi everyone!

This post is long overdue. Between finishing up my classes in Sydney, enjoying my last days there, traveling back home, then getting ready to move back to school, I haven't had time to post and I'm very sorry.

I'm writing to you from Virginia/North Carolina, so you know what that means: I'm no longer in Sydney *cue sad face*. I had to come back to reality at some point, but I wasn't ready to leave such a beautiful country with all of the new, and might I add, amazing, friends I made.

I loved singing along to Stacy's Mom with my roommate Shannon during karaoke night in the pub near our house and when Shannon got attacked by a cockatoo, it was actually hilarious and not dangerous at all.

I was only home for one week unfortunately and because I had to go back to school for training because I have an on campus job as a Peer Mentor. I only wish I had more time to reflect on my time in Sydney before going back to college, but alas, life waits for no one.

I'm partially writing this post in the wee hours of the morning because jet lag has become my newest enemy. Therefor I'm not quite sure at this moment how to articulate exactly how much I loved Sydney. A picture is worth a thousand words so I will take this moment to post picture after picture in hopes that you might catch a glimpse of what I experienced.

My view of Hyde Park from the Sydney Eye Tower (previously known as the Westfield Tower)

Another beautiful view from the tower

In between the buildings you can make out a few shells of the Opera House and the bridge is on the left

I saw this alleyway on Pinterest when I first started researching Sydney so I finally found it in my last week. It's called Angel Place and bird cages hang along the street as you can see. 

We gave flowers to one of our coordinators at our farewell dinner and I felt the urge to take a picture with the bouquet

Our place setting from Steel Bar & Grill

My delicious salmon meal, it melted in my mouth. The best salmon I've ever had!

My 3rd and final meal of pancakes from Pancakes on the Rocks

Left to right: Me, Andrew, Shannon

Left to right: Me, Kelley, Andrew, Shannon

Shannon and I 

Sarah and I (She wouldn't smile in any of the photos we took)
Top left to right: Sarah, Emily, Kat, Katie M, Katie W, Dorianne
Bottom left to right: Shannon, Kelley, Liza, Morgan
Missing: Addie

This was taken at Bondi 

A pool right next to the beach at Bondi

Taken on a Bondi to Bronte beach walk

I took this on a cliff at the Royal National Park

Delicious ravioli at Mama Teresa's, a restaurant near our house  

Devon Cafe in Surry Hills

French toast and chai at Devon Cafe

This bird sat outside our house all the time

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